Frank Santopadre - October 30, 2008
10. Assure President Bush that the shamrock and leprechaun decorations look great
9. Add fun “apple bobbing feature” to water-boarding procedures
8. Claim Obama supporter attacked trick-or-treater and carved letter “B” in her pumpkin
7. Arrange photo-op of McCain giving out candy at each of his 9 houses
6. Prank call Barney Frank's house; ask if he has “some guy named Albert in his can”
5. Take Cindy McCain trick-or-treating at Merck and Pfizer factories
4. Dress unqualified Alaska governor in funny Vice President costume
3. Set fire to Bill of Rights, leave on Pelosi's doorstep, ring bell, run
2. Station Klan members in black voting districts; insist they're just trick-or-treaters dressed as ghosts
1. Wait until dark, watch Cheney turn into a bat
Photo illustration by Hamish Robertson.
The ones that didn't make the list: Make Sarah Palin wear a Dan Quayle costume in hopes of creating a more intelligent image. All trick or treaters visiting the Vice-Presidential residence get a list of the names of CIA operatives dropped in their goody bags.