Family values

This jerk's picture should appear in the dictionary next to the word tawdry. And his room-mate should be a footnote.

Sen. John Ensign has put a new spin on family values. The Las Vegas Republican, 51, enlisted his elderly parents to pay out $96,00 in "gifts" to his ex-mistress and her family. His father, Mike, is a wealthy casino mogul.

Mighty suspicious gifts.

Lest anyone think it was hush money, his lawyer Paul Coggins insisted, "Ensign has complied with all applicable laws and Senate ethics rules."

Those ethics rules need some revamping, as does the Senator's morality.

A statement from Ensign's office said that "his parents decided to make the gifts out of concern for the well-being of long-time family friends during a difficult time."

Difficult time, alright.

"The gifts are consistent with a pattern of generosity by the Ensign family to the Hamptons and others," it continued.

Nice people.

In addition to getting help from dear old dad, Ensign received some life-coaching from fellow Sen. Tom Coburn. Coburn counseled Ensign to end the affair, but he denied helping draft the the breakup letter Ensign wrote to Cindy Hampton. "I was never present when the letter was written."

Not present when the letter was written does not exclude Senator Coburn from having participated in discussions about, or the drafting of, said letter.

Coburn refused to say what he told Ensign to do, noting that he was both a medical doctor and an "ordained deacon," and such information was "privileged communication."

Amen.